dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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