I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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