You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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