He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
