There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He passed out mid-signature
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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