Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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