My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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