you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
