Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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