oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
