just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
