so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
