you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
