sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sext me about skeletons
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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