I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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