I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
