We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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