i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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