1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
