it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
