i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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