if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
