wanna go halves on a baby?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
