My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
