She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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