I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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