I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize