I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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