yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
