Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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