I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
