In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
