When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
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this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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