Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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