just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
