Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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