i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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