Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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