Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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