Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
