you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We smell like vodka and hangover
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