you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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