Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think im going to throw up on grandma
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
