He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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