So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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