I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Boobs are out for the taking
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
