I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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