so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
