Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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