you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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