He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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