it was like eating out sand paper
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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