we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
