you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
