I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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