I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
