hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think my mom watched the whole time
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
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We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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