i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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