Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
