now i know why i became what i already was.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ketchup is God's man juice
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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