After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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