And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
