So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
