I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
