She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
