It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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