remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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