I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
