wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
