I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
