i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
