fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
