Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
