when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
