Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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